Tour Diaries

You can follow my tour antics as they unfolded in real time on insta. I also put a list together of what I learnt from going on tour and some big lessons I learnt from 2023 more generally.

1. I got really addicted to the dopamine and external validation from audiences and my social media posts. I dealt with it by acknowledging it and prewarning myself that this will stop when the tour is over so I didn’t have the come down of all come downs and a mental health disaster. It reminds me of when I had Major Tom the basset hound in my shows and he became an egomaniac. He got so used to being applauded on stage that when I walked the streets with him, he would stop when he heard applause because he thought it was for him.

2. I felt like a16th century wandering theatre company traveling from town to town to entertain and earn my pennies. Then we pack up the horse and cart and on to the next place. I had reservations about this tour beforehand. Edinburgh 2022 was tough, competitive, stressful and brought the worst out in me. I wasn’t looking forward to doing it all over again. But because of the year I’ve had, I had an attitude change. This tour became a sort of personal pilgrimage like Camino de Santiago. It was about leaving my old life behind and starting anew. The new autonomous Vic, who can drive and earn money doing her weird art and entertaining in its purest form. It made me realise this is what I want and should be doing in life.

3. It’s important to have a mate on the road with you. Lee Collarbone was not only tech manager and driving instructor, he was my mate and my sounding board. Touring is graft and it’s hard emotionally and physically. You need to have a moan and a laugh and to take the piss out of each other. He said Noel Edmonds sacks anyone on set who wasn’t cheerful and then he said I’d be like Noel Edmonds if I was on TV.

4. Nobody really notices or cares about your fuck up’s in fact they like you more because of them.

5. Omelettes are the best thing to eat in greasy spoons.

6. People have no idea my show is scripted – which I’m not sure is a compliment or not.

7. What if it goes right? Is my mantra of 2023. I’m actually going to get it tattooed. I naturally catastrophise. I noticed early on that on the nights I was worried (low audience numbers or we were filming) that I didn’t perform as well. But the nights where I said to myself “oh fuck it” and “what if it goes right” that instant change of mindset (or head set) transformed my performance and ability to connect with the audience.

8. I stopped drinking before I went on stage. The whole 15 years I’ve been performing I got stuck in this superstition/pre-show routine where I’d have one G&T to take the edge of before going on stage. This tour I decided that I’m not going to do that anymore and strangely my performance improved and I remembered my script??

9. Always be authentic, warts and all that’s how you find your tribe. How are your people going to find you if you don’t know who you are?

10. I seriously need to update my music library. Before I go onstage, I need to leave the real World behind and step into Vic’s showtime heightened fantasy World. I need to walk on that stage with fierce energy. I have to forget that I was in Greggs buying a sausage roll earlier and walk on stage like Beyoncé. Obviously, I’m still playing Vic on stage but articulate, enhanced, powerful Vic. I get into this role by engaging in my pre-show rituals like dancing full on to music in my dressing room. Lee Collarbone knocks on my door at 30 minutes and at 5 minutes before showtime so that I’m ready to go on stage. He asked me what I was listening to and I said a band I’d just discovered. He looked excited “who?” he said “Supertramp” I said. He looked very disappointed and I realised I know no music beyond 1985.

11. Having wheels is the independence I never knew I needed so much. Buying this little micro campervan has been a gamechanger.

12. Stand-up has really helped me to become articulate and to get to the nubbins of what I want to say. In addition, performing stand up above pubs to people who are only there to see the headliner and dying on my arse has helped me to become like Teflon. It takes a lot to put me off these days. So, when people have bought in to the show and are there specifically to see me, I am so grateful and I have such joy to be on stage.

13. I loved going to far flung places like Barnsley the audiences were extra appreciative. Barnsley went off!

14. Sleeping in the van means I have a bed on wheels whenever I need it. I just put the blinds up and wallah. Great for my neurodivergent fatigue. Another pre-show ritual is napping.

15. You have to do your own marketing. It shouldn’t fall to the artist; it should fall to the venues your touring to with the paid marketing staff. But they care more about the musicals on the main stages than our niche comedy shows. In one venue we were not in the brochure, there were none of our posters up that we had sent and they hadn’t downloaded the marketing assets. The audience who came had to be as good as Anneka Rice on Treasure Hunt to find me. Artists hit me up and I will spill the beans on the good and bad venues.

16. I was extremely moved by all the people who came out to see me and the show. Some people I hadn’t seen for 20 years. I’m going on a mega road trip next year in the micro camper to see them all.

17. Technicians in venues are strange. I think it’s because they live a vampire existence and lack vitamin D as they work in the dark all day.

18. “It takes a lot of people to make me look this cheap” said Dolly Parton. I’m standing onstage solo because of all the other genius’s that helped get me here. Thank you, team. X

19. People after the show kept telling me I have good skin. This is down to Lee’s lighting and Pamela Marshall’s skin care advice and covering myself like a beekeeper when I go in the sun.

20. I’m much poorer now I’m single and I’m embracing it. Everyday is a wonder and a revelation. I’ve learnt loads about saving money since going from Mitch’s to rags. Like, I cook for people now instead of going out for meals. So, I’ve learnt to cook. Today I found out if you put vegetables straight in the oven you don’t need to cut them first, cut them afterwards when they are soft. Genius. Cook book coming soon.

21. When you write comedy for a living your fuck up’s are material so nothing bad can ever happen to you, because you got new material.

22. I’m a hard-working badass performance artist and yeah, I earn shit money and sleeping in a little van waking up to a dog shitting outside my window might not be what others consider success but I am proud of what I’ve achieved.

23. The future’s uncertain I don’t know where I’m going to be living or how but I know what I’m meant to be doing and it’s this. And rather than be scared of what the future holds I’m excited because….what if it goes right?

Thanks for reading

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Love Vic x

Photo Credits
Top image @mama_moonshine_ruth
Bottom image @linaandtom